“Tsar-Tank” and other cars that will not show you in tank simulators

"Tsar-Tank" and other cars that will not show you in tank simulators

Open testing of a new online tank militant Tanki X will begin on September 15th. He differs from such games primarily by arsenal, weakly connected with reality: these tanks are closer to tanks in classic arcades like Battle City. Flamethrowers, ramers, guns, whose shells will ricochel from the walls and help shoot the corner, as well as a kind of physicist and bonuses scattered on cards … In general, as in carefree times, when we played funny arcade “tanks”, and not in simulators with calculations of penetration.

Kane himself would have been proud of some local cars from Command & Conquer… but NOD engineers, if you think, are not so eccentric. Let's remember how wild projectors indulged in real history: ambitious expensive machines that would be completely useless on the battlefield. And at the same time we will think about how they could be attached to Tanki X.

Tsar-tank

The most strange plan is always the sound idea that is distorted by someone's perception. So, engineer Nikolai Lebedenko admired the carts of the arches, whose two wheels, due to the large diameter, overcame almost any bumps of relief. And in the past, a similar design was used in combat chariots, giving also a decent speed. Lebedenko decided that the idea of ​​a tank with two huge wheels instead of caterpillars would help Russia overcome the German Empire. At that time, the First World War began, when the very essence of hostilities has changed forever.

Lebedenko approached the matter on a grand scale. The body of the machine is a T-shaped body with a width of twelve meters, decorated with two wheels on knitting needles with a diameter of nine meters each. To balance this fool, the "feed" ended with a small roller of one and a half meters. In appearance, it reminded the gun's carriage without a barrel than the usual tank or even an early wedge. Yes, and there were more trunks there: two 76.2 caliber guns and many machine guns.

Nikolai Lebedenko went with his project on the instances of tsarist Russia. His ambitions inspired Nicholas the Second himself, to which the engineer was audited in January 1915. Model Tsar-Tank, a little later nicknamed the "inoperian", sunk into the emperor in the soul, and His Majesty, together with the designer, rolled the unfortunate toy on the carpets and piles of books. With such a patron, the tank project received not only the way to life, but a whole highway.

► such an “inaccum” and planned to smash the enemy.

Already in the fall, a prototype was ready. Testings confirmed: yes, the "non -pyre" goes through the forest without noticing the trees at all. Two Maybach engines, leaded from German airships, gave the tank amazing power. But the rear skating rink – a small and auxiliary engineer – actually accepted a considerable part of the weight of the car and stuck in the ground. So gloriously tiered that the tsar-tank had to be thrown in the forest and guarded until the revolution began. Then the Bolsheviks dismantled the monster for scrap metal, and the project, of course, was closed shortly after the tests, in September 1925.

► IG-227 Hailfire tank (from the second episode "Star Wars" ) in action.

How to transfer to the game: Even by the standards of the First World War, "Netopyr" looked archaic. But not in vain, George Lucas led him to the Saga "Star Wars"! You can repeat the trick of the old director: “forget” about the small rear wheel and make the tank two -wheeled. And two huge wheels will help the tank ride on the map, not paying attention to the difference in the relief, then to suddenly emerge into the enemy. In a two -wheeled case with a good acceleration and maneuverability of a feature from two will get from a rail. It can be well combined with short -fighting guns, like a flamethrower (the wheels would not only shoot yourself).

"Couple"

► immediately you will not understand that this is a combat vehicle.

You know, we lied. For an unsuccessful flight of thought, a sound idea is not needed at all. This is evidence – a machine for the destruction of the fortresses "Classes". You can argue that this is not a tank. But this is a combat vehicle? Inside the crew? It moves (more precisely, should) on the ground? So the tank.

The bottom line is this. There is a steel fool in the shape of a rugby ball. Its height in the middle of the middle is three hundred meters (or more). Her only weapon is its own weight. Therefore, the fortresses, for which the "wallpaper" was constructed, would simply choke on this "tank" like a pies.

Inside, there would be a flywheel-expertric to give a “mutual” torque, as well as an entire city with residential compartments, elevators, wireless telegraphs and shops. Jules Verne applauds (and this Frenchman could easily think of a giant steel ball). The speed, by the way, was supposed to reach five hundred kilometers per hour – due to its own epic, apparently. And when the “mutual” was required to climb the mountain, he demolished this mountain to the foundation.

Joking, there they planned to use jet engines on powder thrust.

The author of this miracle-yuda is an Austria-Hungary citizen Ivan Semchishin, who lived during the First World War in the city of Lviv. Leads to the idea of ​​sabotage. Nevertheless, the project in 1915 was adopted for consideration by the military-technical department of the Russian Imperial Army. History does not know if anyone burst from laughter in GVTU, but the officials expectedly covered this matter. Not only GVTU, but also foreign such controls received letters with ideas torn from reality, but the “wallpaper” among them is a clear champion.

How to transfer to the game: “The wallpaper” would inevitably have to reduce – to release a steel something that occupies the whole card on the server would be illogical. We approach the scale of the rest of the combat vehicles in Tanki X – And a funny device comes out, durable and fast, armed only with its weight. The mechanical wool of such a thing on the battlefield will not be easy, but every crushed tank will give an incomparable pleasure!

It is difficult to imagine that a machine gun or plasmogan was installed on the “wallpaper”, so it is quite difficult to consider it as one of the buildings. But how weapons are easily! Choose a light housing with high speed, put on it a “wallpaper” and fly on a map at the speed of a golf ball, now and then crashing into enemy tanks and recalling the series Destruction Derby. True, the armor in this case cannot withstand for a long time, and you risk being destroyed before you reach the goal.

A-40

By the beginning of World War II, the exacerbation Win Diggers Casino of design schizophrenia did not end – it only went into a new direction, closer to practice. So, since the war became more mobile, sorties to the rear and the enemy’s entourage acquired much more importance. A tank capable of flying a certain distance, and then flopping behind the enemy and shelling him from behind, could significantly improve the position of the army that took him into service.

Tests of tanks-planners were carried out long before the Great Patriotic War, but only at the moment of close collapse did the Soviet Union return to this idea. Engineer Oleg Antonov conceived the hybrid of the tank and an airplane in December 1941, when the Red Army already had enough problems.

Antonov and other designers tried not to break away from reality. They took as a basis the T-60-not the most successful light tank, which differs, however, with simplicity and reliability. His weak dependence on the skill of workers who attacked the car played in the hands of the Red Army, because many experts were called to the front, and the women and youth who came to replace them did not have time to gain experience. His “Wings” is a plywood glider with a fabric casing that could be collected almost on the knee.

► Flying tank, if it was in practice as effective as on paper, could change the course of the battle.

After the checks of the T-60 chassis and the assembly of the glider in September 1942, tests began. The TB-3 Buxer with the attached glider and the tank developed a speed of 130 km/h, but could not rise above forty meters. However, the A-40 was still unhooked. His pilot, and at the same time, the tank Mehvod, Sergei Anokhin, flashed flawlessly onto the landing strip, where he gently landed and dropped his no longer wings, continuing to go to meet the stunned Red Army.

Just the pilot TB-3 released the A-40 near the airfield, where they did not know anything about the tests at all.

Sadly, the project did not develop anymore. The height of miserable forty meters was not suitable for a flight to the rear of the enemy, and more powerful planes were occupied by deep raids, and there would not be enough such “tractors” for the most litter operation.

How to transfer to the game: The tank planner is not so insane, but in the game the inability to turn the tower down will prevent to shell the "born to crawl". Perhaps the A-40 would learn to turn up the caterpillars. You can also limit its ability to steam – as in real life – with a dashing landing in a sudden place. And for lovers to fly in the game, there are many springboard and platforms, with which you can cut the path and take a profitable position (when hitting the ground is not caused in the game)

Ratte and Monster

After the Stalingrad fracture in the war, the German command zealously undertook to think about how miraculously to turn the wheel of history. Shortly before, in 1942, the legendary Panzerkampfwagen IV Tiger – a worthy response to the Soviet KV and the first real heavy tank of the Reich entered. The former tactics – the blitzkrieg, the lightning -fast war – did not favored large clumsy machines, but after the failure of the Barbarossa plan, the Tiger could no longer do without.

Hitler decided that the larger the tank, the more Lule he hangs the Bolsheviks. So the Panzerkampfwagen VIII MAUS project, begun by Ferdinand Porsche, appeared in 1942, but you probably know about it. This Verzila reached 188 tons of weight (against 56 tons of Tiger), which although horror inspired, he had not yet bordered on madness. And then the Nazis suffered.

Landkreuzer p was the first swallow. 1000 "Ratte", that is, "Rat". In the summer of 1942, the project of this creature was presented to Hitler, and he was delighted, finding his passion for gigantism. Dr. Gacker and Edward Grotte continued to work until weapons Reichsinter Albert Speer reassured the “geniuses”, closing the project in 1943. During this time, the engineers managed to think of all.

So, the weight of the "rat" would be a thousand tons-and what is the little thing? True, I would have to cross the rivers along the bottom, but it did not seem inappropriate to Gacker and Grott. In general, Grott then worked on submarines, and neither gigantic dimensions, nor water barriers or droplets embarrassed him. The “Rat” height reached eleven meters, which would allow the partisans not to rush under a tank with grenades, but simply to go out of the roof from the balcony of the fourth floor. Although the width of the “Rat” (fourteen meters) would not allow him to drive through many streets of Soviet cities.

Forty crew people would live inside, serving two (or eight, depending on the option) of the ship's engine and a couple of ship 28-centimeter guns. There was still a question of anti -aircraft guns and other little things, but to whom the difference makes it when the tool is already included in the design from the battleship? The engineers were silent about the number of diesel consumed, otherwise the Fuhrer would have enough Kondrashka at the presentation of the tank. And about what appetizing target would become a “rat” even for the most crooked bomber, they also silent. And that they did not come up with a chassis that would take a thousand tons of steel and forty future dead.

► This machine is more like a mobile combat fortress that can turn the battlefield into smoking ruins in a matter of minutes.

You think that the ardor of the Teutonic geniuses faded away? If! In December 1942, the department of Speer was offered another colossus: Landkreuzer p. 1500 Monster weighing from 1,500 to 2500 tons – according to various estimates, plus a hundred crew people. A car with a length of forty -two meters was supposed to destroy the enemy’s fortifications from a distance of thirty -seven kilometers with shells of seven tons. With proper refinement, Monster could be pulled by a lightweight Wehrmacht tank directly into Stalin’s office if Speer had not covered this matter with the Rat project. And if the tank had not clown the planes. And if Germany had enough fuel to travel at least to the Polish borders ..

How to transfer to the game: To date, the most difficult building in the game is “mammoth”, and it is expected to differ in survivability and slowness. Add to the game an even slower tank? This is easy, but who wants to play it? Output-introduce the game mode, where one of the inhabitants of the server rides on a mega-tank, while others gnaw it with all their might, often dying and reviving on the respowed. The task – for example, – prevent Makhin from passing a certain route. It is more fun to put several players at once in Monster at once, take the barrel for each, and entrust the steering wheel (although the helm is more relevant in this car).

TG-5 and Tank Danchenko

The CPSU did not particularly suffer from giantism. However, in Soviet Russia there is no, no, and they licked them for some design the size of a small ship. Do you know who inspired them? Do not guess! Engineer Edward Grotte! The case was in the 1930s, when the two most odious barriers in history had not yet had time to quarrel and Grott came to provide technical assistance in the German delegation. I must say, I provided-his developments were then useful when creating the T-35. And Grott himself put his hand to the TG-5 project, the crown of the line of super-heavy tanks.

The handwriting is familiar. Mass – 1000 tons, crew – 40 people. Here are more towers, either three, or six, and a whole battery: two 304 mm, four 152- and 76 mm and a snack of two 45 mm guns. Two or four engines of 24 thousand horsepower (ship, of course!) would drive the car in motion. Grott relied on a hydromechanical transmission, promising the maximum speed of 60 km/h. Such a tank and guns are not needed, in theory, – any citadel ramers like a Greek trirem.

► can easily imagine that such a technique is in service with the imperial guard from Warhammer 40 000.

And at the same time at the Military Academy of Mechanization and Motorization of the Red Army, under the leadership of engineer Danchenko, a draft of the land cruiser was composed of only 500 tons in weight. There, Comrade Danchenko was going to shove sixty tankers, a couple of guns for 107 mm, two more pairs of 76 and 45 mm, twelve machine guns and – drum fraction! – Three flamethrowers with one mortar. Imperial Guard from Warhammer 40 000 Danchenko would appreciate the thought, but his bosses – no, and the plan was rejected on the move.

How to transfer to the game: Flame Tank c Tanki X already – more precisely, not a tank, but a tower that can be screwed to the selected case. That is, Danchenko’s tank has already found some embodiment, as well as normal flamethrowing tanks like M132. And how to adjust the gigantic armored vehicle like TG-5 to the game, we decided above.

TV-1

You think that only our and the Germans were distinguished by monstrous ideas? As if not! American engineers also pumped everyone, but after the war. The era of mutually exclusive nuclear paranoia and nuclear delight came, and the fantasies of the engineers kept up with these trends.

In 1954, at the Question Mark conference in Detroit, which has not yet flew to Tartarar, the Track Vehicle 1 or TV1 project was proposed. The tank average in terms of characteristics was noteworthy because it was driven by a gas turbine engine with a nuclear reactor.

Of course, the creators of TV1 twisted many layers of protection so that the crew would not be cooked alive, but no measures seemed sufficient. Moreover, the worked out air, which has twisted turbines, caressed scientists were going to produce out! Such a car would solve the veteran issue once and for all: the tankers would bent from radiation illness right in the cab, and the infantry would cough with light, breathing in radionuclides from exhaust pipes. The idea of ​​TV1 was rejected.

Gentlemen, the designers did not despair and years later returned to the same conference, turning their brainchild into R32. Now the air did not fly out to the joy of ecologists, and there are more levels of protection. And still, the crew would have to be changed much more often than the generals and tankers would like, and anyone, except for crazy scientists like Dr. Streinzhlava. And what threatened the hit of the enemy shell into the reactor, and did not want to think at all. R32 went to the basket.

► getting on such a tower is quite difficult – bullets and shells will simply bounce.

And there Kraisler arrived. Only the thought came up not about the nuclear, but about the anti -core tank. Their TV8 resembled a huge piece of soap. The whole crew, the whole layout, engine, gun, ammunition, in general, everything was placed in a hypertrophied tower! For the sake of one goal – so that the tank has as few joints as possible, and therefore the cracks and its inhabitants could calmly be in the crater a couple of minutes after the nuclear explosion. And then the Chrysler engineers also pecked the nuclear rooster, and they suggested placing an atomic reactor in the tower ..

How to transfer to the game: Unfortunately, c Tanki X no weapon comparable in power with nuclear. How to display the entire uncontrollable "nuclear" TV-1? That if he leaves a trace of radioactive exhausts, which causes a fairly weak periodic damage? And after the death of TV-1 would explode with a characteristic mushroom cloud, taking a careless enemy with him to hell? Or give it the ability to overload the reactor – which slowly burns the strength of the machine, but increases the damage and speed? Let's all at once. Why little thing?

* * *

Unfortunately or fortunately, all these crazy projects were rolled up, leaving a rich heritage for science fiction writers. Well, for those who make video games. IN Tanki X There are no gigantic steel balls and ground ships, but the local methods of warfare would clearly have a good fantasy. Above the likeness of a rail -spacecraft in the game, they are thinking nowadays. As for the plas because of the and frozen rays, specialists are still silent, but their hour is also not around the corner. Do not want to wait for the collapse of these fantastic vents? Then you know what to do and where to go.